Photography

About 6 months ago I embarked on a journey, a journey into trying to live out my, super secret, dream to be a photographer.  Wow that sounded really cheesy.  But seriously I have desired to be a part of seeing peoples lives played out in photographs.  Over the last 6 months I have spent time practicing and practicing. I took some classes in high school but needless to say I'm pretty sure that I failed.  I gave myself 6 months to pursue seeing if I have what it takes to pursue it as a side career.  And if I suck at least I tried.  I have taken far too many pictures of my niece, nephew, and little cousins.  I'm sure that they are all extremely annoyed by now.  I've attended different workshops, classes, and spent way to many nights trying to understand the exposure triangle.  I have always prided myself on being a hustler and doing what it takes to get a job done.  But the reality is I'm a quitter, whenever a situation gets hard I usually walk away.  I am notorious for quitting things half way through, and changing my mind. For example I have several unfinished scrapbooks, some dating back to high school and I have changed my major 5 times.  The crazy thing is with photography I've pushed myself past tears, and past insecurities.  Instead of quitting whenever things have got hard for me to understand, I just take a mental break and get back on my grind.  So I've officially made it through my 6 months, and lucky for me I actually have a little bit of talent.  Now this doesn't mean that I no longer want to pursue school or working in ministry, it just means that I also want to do photography.  I don't know where photography will fit with my super busy life but I do know that God will find a way for me to fit it in to my calling.  

Re-Tweaking

  This past week, we had camp for YFC an organization that I work for, that works with kids in OKC public schools.  The theme of the week was about vision.  We pushed the kids into defining their goals, core values, and purposes in life. And also having them to write down concrete ways to reach these goals.  As well as having them acknowledge their dream killers, and other ways that they don't meet their goals.  From there provided them with ways that they can avoid not meeting their goals. All stemming from the saying all people end up some where but few people end up somewhere on purpose.  This made me pull out my Chazown notes from years ago.  And see where I was sitting at in those goals I set, and the vision that I defined for my life.  

  Going through my notes, I felt extremely discouraged because the majority of the goals I have yet to come anywhere close to meeting.  And a good portion of them I am either in the same spot I was before or even further behind.  And there are so many more goals to be added to the list.  I have always prided myself on doing a good job to achieve the goals I set, and looking over my list was a big kick to my teeth.  So the last couple of days or so I have been evaluating where exactly I went wrong in following my goals, and looking over all the notes I took from camp.  And a couple of things immediately to mind, I stopped meeting continuously with a mentor & a small group, which both are essential to spiritual growth.  I stopped visiting my goals on a daily basis, and I some how stopped consulting God on every decision that I make.  Most importantly I lost track of the plans that God gave me, and started following after my own desires. 

  With all of this being said I have a new attitude on my vision, I actually spent some time reworking and re-tweaking it to fit the JoAnna I am now, and the direction that God has me going in. I posted my vision on my wall(I almost passed out from the Expo fumes) so every morning when I rollover the first thing that I look at is this vision. I have also printed copies of my goals to be all around my house and on my desk at work.  That way I will have the constant reminder of what God has called me to do.  

I'm Brand New

New style, new name, and new vision for the blog.  The times I have kept up with the blog it has generally been a form of a journal or spilling my thoughts in no particular order. Now I want to go in the direction of sharing my passions, desires, and living out my vision.  Mainly to keep accountability with helping me to continue towards following through with my goals, and living out God's plan for my life.  Who better to keep you accountable then the world wide web. Right? Any who, I plan to daily share my passion for photography, working with inner city kids, missions, cooking, event planning, and most importantly the love I have for my Savior.  With all of this being sad, I will leave you with a verse I have clung on to for years:

For I know what I have planned for you,’ says the Lord. ‘I have plans to prosper you, not to harm you. I have plans to give you a future filled with hope.-Jeremiah 29:11

Being Pushed and Pulled

It's spring time, finally.  This is the time of the year where we all clean out our closets and garages and begin to prepare our flower beds.  You do all this weeding and cleaning to get a new start.  So far this year God has been preparing my heart for a new start as well.  He has been working on the contents of my hearts desires as well as my physical desires.  He has been pushing me outside of my comfort zone and pulling me closer to him.  I feel like he renewing my desire to be in love with him, and I am looking forward to where that love is going to take me. So for the past few monthsI have been waking up with a desire for so much more, and my heart is currently is a place of contentment and I love it.  I don't know what God has planned for me, but I totally happy with whatever direction he sends me in.

Haiti My heart

This past weekend I went to Passion Conference 2011. God wrecked my heart in a whole new way.  Passionate, is the best way to describe how I now feel.  He awakened passion that I have been missing, he pushed me to think outside of my comfort zone.  I think the biggest thing to gain is it's all about JESUS.  I was completely knocked to my knees and humbleness.  I realized how much pride I had inside of me, and watching these amazing church leader be totally humble about everything that was being accomplished for God's kingdom was breath taking.  Every person on staff, every speaker, every worship leader, and volunteer simply worked together to accomplish one goal, for us to understand that it is all about JESUS. I went with the intentions to have a really awesome worship experience, by golly its Passion, but God had something bigger in store for me.  Louie Giglio the first night made a comment, that God isn't individualistic,  He is personal. Talking about how a message or the Bible could be world changing for one person and mean something totally different for another.  And he said, "When we have glimpses of Jesus things SHUT DOWN."  So I began to pray that I would experience a glimpse of Jesus that would shut me down. 

For so long I have tried to put God in a box, saying you can have this part of my life, but not that part of my life.  Or you can send me anywhere  you want Lord, as long as it is in the United States preferably a big city.  But following Christ is allowing him to use you wherever he calls you, rather it is working right here in Edmond, Oklahoma or in Africa. My heart has broken for a Haiti since high school, but I haven't done much about helping this country. It started when I heard that Haiti is the poorest country in western hemisphere and the I had the opportunity to go to this country and I let slip away.  Then the earthquake happened and devastated this hurting country even more, a year later they are still in the building process, and there is 490,000 orphans, and 300,000 children in slavery.  

With all this being said God wrecked my heart for these kids, for their country, and for the organizations who desperately trying to help.  God called me to go, he not only called me to go, but he called me to go now.  So right now I am in the praying, and planning stages to go for a couple of weeks at the end of the summer.  Then possibly for longer after the first trip.  So please join with me in prayer. And donate now to Haiti Rising.

My Calling

Every week I get super excited about my Wednesday, because I get to go to Pulse Club.  I take 4 hours of my vacation time every week to go to mentor, minister, and befriend a group of kids that a lot of people have given up on.  Truthfully, a lot of society has given up on youth all together,  and the simple fact that my group are from the inner city, they have an automatic two strikes against them before people get to know them.  I do work in a magnet school and most of the kids truly do want to go to school, but drive through the south side of Oklahoma city and you will get a glimpse of the hardships that some of these kids are dealing with.  There are houses that are held together by cardboard boxes, you see crack heads and drunks walking down the same streets that kids walk to school.  These are the obvious examples of what is going on, can you just imagine the things that are going on in their homes and even worse their hearts. Just thinking of the rejection and abandonment that they must feel, breaks my heart.

I am constantly thinking why, and how did God think that he could entrust me with such an important task.  How did he think that he could use me to accomplish anything, doesn't he remember my past failures, and my doubting him.  Does he not remember all those nights of running in the opposite direction of him.  Seriously, sometimes I think God has lost his mind.  About that time I feel a calmness come over me, a calmness that stills my heart, a calmness that says God will use me regardless of my failures and short comings.  He has a plan and he has choose to use me in that plan.  


....."Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine."
Isaiah 43:1

Our School System Has Failed Us

My mother works at a high school and recently there was a fight from where a white kid allegedly said the word nigger, and a black kid beat him up pretty badly.  This is not a blog about black and white because I don't play that game.  This is a blog about equality for the student.  My mom told me that she was told by a teacher that this black kid has dealt with anger issues and has struggled in the past.  It made me think back to when I was in high school and my grades were very inconsistent  and actually down right terrible.  The reality is kids slip through the cracks especially in huge schools, there is programs for the kids who have a certified learning disabilities and kids in honor classes.  But as far as the every day normal student there isn't a lot available.  The school system has failed, because they are not taking care of the issues before they even start.  I know simply if I had one person that told me that they believed in me, I would have tried harder or pushed myself to the next level.  Instead I developed slacker tendencies that carried me through college.  Just imagine if this one teacher who noticed the is students anger issues, did something about it, maybe got him with the school counselor or spoke with his parents.  Or maybe even figured out the issues that are going on.  To many times, especially in high school, time is spent with the star athlete or star student instead of the kid in the corner who is just crying out for attention.  In conclusion, our school system has failed us by allowing student like this kid just slip through the crack.

SEX

May 2006, I made a personal commitment to no longer have sex or allow myself to get emotionally involved with someone until I say, I do.  April 2007 I made a personal commitment to no longer kiss until I say, I do.  Through a lot of questionable situations I have pulled through as keeping my promise. You may think I am weird, or crazy but "Its my prerogative, I can do what I want do."  Honestly this a desire that God place in my heart, and it's not for just any one but it is for me.   Just imagine the feeling of kissing your husband for the first time after you say I do.  Here is the thing in my short amount of time away from God I put so many things in His mercy seat in my life, and I know my weakness when it comes to sex.  I know my struggles with promiscuity, and I know the emotional journey that God brought me through to get me to the point.  I  have no problem with sharing my struggles it helps me to keep it real.  Keeping it real, is what keeps you from falling down a path that leads you back to your lowest points in life.  Those point that I wouldn't go back to for a million dollars.

No Texting and Driving

It's official I am signing the pledge and no longer texting and driving. Last night while texting and driving I blew out my lovely little tire, that I just got last week. I hit a curb and 5 miles down the road all the air was gone. Lucky for me this was just my tire, and not anything else. I never really emotionally got involved in the fact that people die or get seriously injured from texting and driving. I know that sounds horrible, but in my head I realistically thought those people were extra ridiculous because I could do it just fine. After last night my opinion has totally changed. Here is some pictures of me changing a tire for the first time, go me, go me.

The Wilderness

The wilderness, the Israelites wondered around for 40 years, because of simple disobedience.  We always are quick to judge the character of the Israelites. Talk about their lack of faith, but the reality is that we are all like the Israelites in some way or another, I am always wanting God to prove himself to me.  I want to know the when, where, and how before I even think of stepping out in faith.  I know I am not the only one that does this, but I am so thankful for the patience of God.