New Orleans Darlin!

Have you ever had that warm fuzzy feeling. That feeling that you can't help but smile. I just went on a mission trip to New Orleans and it was absolutely amazing. I have never felt that feeling before, but I totally was moved and inspired so much. It has really made me put my life into perspective. I remember saying to myself that I want to do this for the rest of my life. I went on this trip to work, and build relationships with the students that were going. The crazy thing is that God used this week to work on my heart. He helped rebuild my realtionship with him!

A young girl

This Wed. I was truly blessed with God's choice to use me in a situation to show God's grace. I take a teenage girl home from church every Wed. and I am always excited to see where our conversation is going to lead. I value or time together every week but this week probably in the top three conversations that I have ever had with a youth. I got to explain to her how God wants us to remain pure until marriage and she knew that already. But the best part is that I got to explain to her about grace, and how God has grace on those who have not remained pure because they don't know. And then she was hinting around to the subject of people who know that they are to remain pure but they still don't choose to. I got to explain the story of my promiscuous past, and how I knew better and still choose to go down that path. And that the best part is that we serve an awesome God who believes, in grace and who showed grace for those who "know better" and still choose the wrong path. And I got to explain to her how God can still bless me, even though I didn't exactly choose the right path. I also was able to say how I wouldn't have been able to first hand explain that kind of grace to her if it wasn't for GOD being able to bless even though I had sinned in the past. Man God is so amazing, I still can't believe that he is able to use me!

The process

This whole week I am fasting! Mainly because I needed to get a bunch of junk out of my life and make a lot of huge life changing decisions. I am also going on a mission trip next week and I wanted to have my head clear for the trip. It is only my second day of fasting and God has already gave me clarity on a lot of things. One of the big things is being completely real with myself, and stop living behind this glass that I have put up. I found that I have been watching the world pass me by for far too long. I have been compairing my situations to that of others. I have really been living for myself and my own instant gratification in almost every area of my life. I have been serving for the gratification of the world, and not of God. I have spending money ridiculously, and not saving and investing like I need to be doing. I have pushed off school for too long. I have let my self become so consumed with the idea of working in the ministry instead of realizing that I am in ministry right now. I have been walking so far away from Christ, that my decisions haven't been reflecting those of a Christ follower. I keep trying to conquer things on my own, instead of with Christ and because of that I have dug myself further into the valley. I pray today that God would have mercy on me and help me to get out of this ditch.

Stereotypes

Lately, I have realized that I have a problem with judging other Christians, and pointing out their flaws. I've seen pastors that were over weight, driving nice cars, or even yelling at their kids in public. And I think to myself that I would hate to be in their congreation. Don't they know that pastors are suppose to be poor, and have well behaved kids always. They are suppose to have their shirts tucked in nicely, and be in shape. I have seen Christians gossiping about each other, drinking at bars, being down right ugly to other people. The crazy thing about it all I see most of these things in me. It is so easy to point the finger at other people and say how bad of a Christian that they are being, but it is not as easy to point the finger at myself. I fasted this past week from just about every desirable thing in my life, although I wasn't able to make it through the whole week, God revealed some incredible things to me. I am going to get radical in the way that I live my life. I mean he took me out of myself and gave me the opportunity to look inside of those deep dark places that I was afraid to go to, and man let me tell you that you are about to see a big change in who I am. I am going to have step up my game and get my act together. I am going back to school this summer, going on a hard core diet, getting myself out of debt, give irrationally, and most important quieting my mouth and opening my ears to receive what God has to tell me. Please pray for me as I learn to live radically.

A Legacy-Part 2

Today, my oldest uncle on my mom's side of the family died. He lived an amazing, adventurous life. He was the last one of that generation, and I feel like a chunk of my history just died. I feel like I didn't consume enough of his knowledge while he was here. I feel like he truly lived every moment to the fullest, this man traveled the world and seized every possible opportunity. I can remember sitting and listening to his stories, and being in awe of how cool his life had been. A man that set records, and challenged me to achieve greatness. (Sorry this blog may seem really jumbled, but I am still kinda in shock that he really died!) Am I taking life serious, and living every day as though it was my last? Am I? Am I seizing every single opportunity to speak God's love into everyone's life? Am I truly doing what God wants me to do in every single situation of my life?

A Legacy-Part 1

December 22, 2007 I went to a funeral for an amazing woman. Katie was her name. She blessed the life of many people, but I want to talk about how she especially blessed mine. She taught me what true unconditional love was. She love her kids so much and I can only hope to be a half the mom that she was. She helped put back the broken pieces of my life. I know people say that they stayed up praying for someone, or something, but she truly did. I remember being in youth and watching her and the other leaders, in the back of the room, pray over us at camp. I can also remember her truly crying with me, after I made a huge mistake and her then reminding me of God's grace. She also taught me not to be ashamed of my past because God still can use me. When I was a senior and didn't have a prom date she offered for her husband to take me to prom. At her funeral the song Legacy, by: Nicole Nordeman, was played. Since then the words to that song have stuck with me, " I want to live a legacy, how will they remember me..."! But the truth is, what will your legacy be? how will they remember you?

My results

Recently, I was given a book called: Strengths Quest. It gives you an online test to take and what it does is tells you what your natural talents are, and this is suppose to help you develop your talents to strengths become a better leader. The book says it as: "When you have refined a talent to the point at which you can provide consistence, near perfect performance in a given activity, you have strength." I have decided to work on developing and perfecting each one of my natural talents. My first step needed to be taking the test and seeing what the results were. The test revealed that my top five talents were: significance, belief, maximizer, relator, and adaptability. It was a real mind-opening, experience for me. So over the next couple of weeks I will be blogging over the development of these different talents.

Hostage-Addiction

Hostage! What can I say, man this series at church has definitely has hit me hard every single week. I think that this week has easily been the worst.(For those of you who don't got to Lifechurch.tv the series that we are currently doing is called Hostage and it is basically about things that we are held Hostage to. We are on week three, but if you want to check it out you can look on the Lifechurch.tv website and watch them.) Addiction, hit me so hard. I have a really hard time letting people see me as being weak, so writing this blog is really a humbling experience. I have become addicted to a very physical unhealthy lifestyle. I never thought of myself as the type of person to get sad so I eat a whole thing of oreos or a boy break up with me and I sit on the couch with a container of ice cream. But, I have been in that point in life that God is breaking me down to the real grimy bottom of the barrell type of stuff. He is opening my eyes to look inside myself and having me realize that I am not great at everything. So in doing that I have been able to see things that I haven't been able to see before. I am a huge emotional eater, and I have let myself some how believe that I am not able to come out of this addiction. I eat when I am bored, when I am happy, when I am stressed, when it's just there. I don't exactly know what I need to do to get out of this addicition but I need to do it quick! So please pray for me as I head down this road!